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 So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...

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AGoodTime
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PostSubject: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:39 am

This forum also seems to be used for advice so here goes nothing!

I'm a massive Laura Grace and Against Me! fan and since she came out as Transgender my parents have been driving me crazy with stupid, ignorant comments. It's getting to the point that if I'm listening to her songs, or even humming one, I get a disgusted look. They don't seem to respect her and just think it's one big publicity stunt. It's really beginning to piss me off!

Help? Please?

(They aren't usually like this, my father reads a lot of the Dalia Lama so should really be accepting of people. I don't have a clue why...)

Edit: Not going to have internet connection now till Sunday. Thanks so much! I love this forum!


Last edited by AGoodTime on Fri Jun 15, 2012 10:42 am; edited 1 time in total
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steady now steady now
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:52 am

That's a shame. If they don't actually make any more comments, then just try to ignore the looks.

If you want to supply them with a letter from the Dalai Lama, here goes: http://old.ilga.org/news-upload/HHDalaiLamastatement.jpg

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plugga
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 9:54 am

That's terrible, did they read the rs article?
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 10:12 am

I think so... I left it on the kitchen side and it had moved to the table. (Usually happens with magazines my dad reads at breakfast.) Although all sympathy for anyone from my mum goes if she finds out they take/have taken drugs. There's a good reason behind that though.

My dad didn't seem very impressed with it at all. I've rescued the article from the recycling once already. It's now underneath some crap on my desk.

Also, any advice on staying calm would be nice to. They've said if I shout at them once more (My mum called Gypsies "thieving scum" after our shed got broken into) they'll cancel the order for Handwritten... They're VERY good at threats.
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plugga
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 10:15 am

Eh i guess there's nothing much to do, you're still going to like them and they're still going to think laura is a publicitynstunt.
I guess this happens if you don't really know the band or the person, one of my friends actually suggested that and i got so angry at him he never brought up the issue again haha
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 10:17 am

AGoodTime wrote:
I think so... I left it on the kitchen side and it had moved to the table. (Usually happens with magazines my dad reads at breakfast.) Although all sympathy for anyone from my mum goes if she finds out they take/have taken drugs. There's a good reason behind that though.

My dad didn't seem very impressed with it at all. I've rescued the article from the recycling once already. It's now underneath some crap on my desk.

Also, any advice on staying calm would be nice to. They've said if I shout at them once more (My mum called Gypsies "thieving scum" after our shed got broken into) they'll cancel the order for Handwritten... They're VERY good at threats.

Shouting is no good, better to given them the silent treatment. As for Handwritten, if the worst happens, I am sure someone here can help out.

So now leave the letter from the Dalai Lama on the kitchen table ...

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AGoodTime
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 10:40 am

I'll be sure to print that off! Thank you!

The silent treatment demands self control... I try to stay calm but it's just little things that they can't see any problem with. I'm going to have to give an example, see if you guys think this is transphobic, my sister see's nothing wrong with it:

Sister: Brian Fallon seemed nice enough.
Mum: But Dave Hause was a dick. He was at the Revival Tour. (They hate Dave Hause for no real reason (I found out the reason: "He gives off a dick-ish vibe"))
Dad: We know Tom Gabel definitely isn't!

And they won't refer to her as her or Laura and if I call her Laura then my dad just laughs/scoffs some stupid reply. By the way: Music and books is all I can talk about (I'm not very social) so my parents know about all the bands/singers that I like.


Last edited by AGoodTime on Thu Jul 19, 2012 7:09 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 11:39 am

Your parents haven't seen much of the world, have they?
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 1:39 pm

Are your parents into the same kind of music as you?
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:31 pm

I am not one to talk bad about people I have never known...but really? Phobic against this? Aren't there worse things to have a phobia of? Personally, I accept everyone for who they are/ what they believe, as long as they are not constantly shoving it down my throat, or causing destruction. Who am I to judge? My advice is...Just try to ignore the comments, and think to yourself, Laura Grace is a very talented musician who has been honest with herself, and if anyone is questioning it and thinking it a joke or a stunt...They really need to open their mind.
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:08 pm

interesting. my parents were kind of the same way, they just kinda laughed and shook their head when i talked about laura and against me. i guess it's because they don't feel connection to the music or something, they just think it's weird. which honestly probably i would have thought if i hadn't been a fan of against me beforehand. but being able to put a face to the trans community like i have with laura has definitely changed me. i feel like if someone my parents cared for actually came out as transgender they would act differently like i have. it's too bad really, but i think our culture perceives transgender people as freaks, which is sad.
that's my experience, anyway. maybe it's the same for most of us
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Fri Jun 15, 2012 11:40 pm

I'm sorry your parents are causing you so much grief about this. It's really sad that they can't be more excepting of Laura, but also of the music and things that are important to you, just because you are their son and they should support you and what you love. Sad

I think the best thing you can do is just love the music and the band/Laura and not let what your parents are saying affect you so much. I know that's easier said than done, but it sounds like they are not willing to hear you out or have an open mind, and you getting mad and yelling at them won't change anything. It took me years to learn that lesson, but we can't make other people believe something that they don't want to believe. What matters is that you are accepting and supportive of Laura and will continue to love the band and the music, and it will have a positive impact on your life. I hope your parents do come around, but if that doesn't happen, it may be better to just not discuss these kinds of topics with them. Sad
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Sun Jun 17, 2012 12:18 pm

Yeah, I know. But it's hard to ignore ignorance and I'm not very patient or calm. In fact, yesterday I punched my cousin for calling someone a f####t.

My mum's new argument is: "No one will buy their albums now. Would you if Brian Fallon came out as a woman?" No, mum! Of course I wouldn't! The only reason I love the Gaslight Anthem is because Brian Fallon has a man's name, wears men's shirts and has a penis. It is seriously driving me crazy!

And being honest, I wasn't much of an Against Me! fan beforehand. I heard Laura's solo stuff on a free Revival Tour sampler and fell in love with her voice. I'd listen to all of Heart Burns till I knew all the lyrics but hadn't really got round to exploring Against Me.

(For the record, I'm a girl... I just wear men's hoodies and shirts and have probably been called sir when shopping as many times as miss...) Actually, one of my friends suggested that perhaps my parents are worried that I'm going to come out a transgender or something. We laughed about it but now that idea doesn't seem so stupid.
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Sun Jun 17, 2012 1:20 pm

http://imgur.com/MNaZV Very Happy Very Happy

I'll put this on here so I don't have to tell my parents!
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Sun Jun 17, 2012 1:43 pm

Cool, what'd she say?
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:01 pm

I asked her where she got one of her t-shirts from. But now I need $25...
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Sun Jun 17, 2012 10:26 pm

Back to the transphobic issue, is it more in jest or a serious bigotry problem?

Either way I'd say blast Harsh Realms in full confidence.
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Mon Jun 18, 2012 8:21 am

chaingangchorus wrote:
Back to the transphobic issue, is it more in jest or a serious bigotry problem?

It's a "I can't possibly understand why anyone would want to be like that. It's disgusting." kinda thing.
Or "What a sick publicity joke. It won't work. No one will want to go see them now."

Not very fun at all.

And as I typed that I have Harsh Realms playing at full volume! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Mon Jun 18, 2012 9:55 am

It seems like your parents are just uncomfortable with Laura's situation and truly do not understand it. In my opinion, there's not much you can do to change people's minds in a situation like that, other than trying to inform, and educate them the best you can. There are so many people who just see transgender as such an odd/weird thing and never bother to do the research or even try to understand it, and it truly saddens me that so many people act in such a way.

Maybe your parents just need some time to get used to the idea! And even if they don't, it's their own loss!
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Thu Jul 19, 2012 5:21 pm

At work my dad met a transgender woman and had a long discussion with her. It's all stopped! Very Happy Very Happy He even said how amazing it would be to have Laura round for dinner! (I randomly say stuff like "what would you do if Brian Fallon turned up?" and to be honest the reply is usually: "Kill him so you won't talk about them anymore.")
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Thu Jul 19, 2012 5:44 pm

Happy to hear that!
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PostSubject: Re: So, it turns out my parents are transphobic...   Thu Jul 19, 2012 6:00 pm

I've just been reading this thread for the first time and it's good to hear its all turned out alright.

There's times when I wish some people would have similar moments of enlightenment/realization on certain subjects.
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