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Debonair
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Mon Oct 03, 2011 9:01 am

Quote :
don't you think issues make a romance better?


No...wait till you get into a serious relationship that goes way wrong(because of issues) their awful.



But to be fair, if your saying, a healthy relationship should have some ups and downs, than yes that is true, but, it isn't as often, shouldn't be often

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Álvaro
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Mon Oct 03, 2011 9:47 am

I've read a bunch of good posts in this forum, especially on the "songs meaning" part, but I have to say that this thread is perfect.

I do agree with almost everything said here.

Regarding the “friendship” issue, I tend to agree with the ones that don’t see it happen. For me is also difficult and I rather felt in love with someone who is not my friend before (only if that was easy!).

And I agree 100% with something said before: you have to be yourself, otherwise you’ll attract games (and you’ll end up losing your time and hurting somebody else).


Last edited by Álvaro on Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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JukeboxJuliet
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Mon Oct 03, 2011 1:22 pm

Great posts here. Ya know, sometimes opposites attract, but also find out what you're into and what's important to you, and put yourself out there around those things.

Like (for example) if a girl who is in good physical shape is important to you, then you probably need to be in good physical shape too - maybe try joining a gym or taking a yoga class.

If you want a girl who can be into the same music, go to shows you love (like someone else I believe said before)

Stuff like that...

Sometimes the things we want out of life and partners changes with age too. Heck, when I was 19 I was a virgin. LOL but I can definitely say in the past 11 years what I want out of a significant other is drastically different than it was back then - although, the basic principles of trust and respect remain.

Hang in there!
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NeverTrustAJunkie
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Mon Oct 03, 2011 3:11 pm

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otherwise you’ll attract games (and you’ll end up losing your time

Losing time is the worst part of all of it. Trust me when I say it's better to be single than to waste weeks/months/years/whatever on someone who isn't interested in you. Better to accept the painful reality that it's never going to happen, spend a bit of time sulking to get it out of your system, and just move on. When I think of all the time I've lost by spending hours analyzing a guy only to come to the realization that its not going to work out, something I knew almost from day one anyway, I get sick.

Quote :
what I want out of a significant other is drastically different than it was back then
WORD. If my worst heartbreak had actually worked out, I'd be living in some remote Southern town, probably bailing the guy out of jail every other month and doing nothing with my life. Or he'd be up here mooching off me, whining all day and making my life miserable. So as silly as it sounds, in the future you will probably be glad some of these rejections happened.

I'm pretty sure there's some sappy country song about how the singer's glad all the past relationships didn't work out because it lead them to their true love.

Would like to add if you're looking for a great "Woe is me" song, "Worse Things Happen At Sea" by our beloved Frank Turner and Rise Against's "Everchanging" do the trick. So intense, it's great. Is there a thread for "My love life sucks playlist"? There should be.
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Álvaro
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Mon Oct 03, 2011 3:31 pm

JukeboxJuliet wrote:
Great posts here. Ya know, sometimes opposites attract, but also find out what you're into and what's important to you, and put yourself out there around those things.
I don't mind if the girl is just like me or if she's quite different. I think you need to have a minimum, a realm of "no dislikes" and, besides that, I even like more to know someone not very close to who I am (regarding hobbies and all that).
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mingus
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 12:08 am

Hirti wrote:

Oh, and I'm not so sure about the part with become friends first. I'm in such a situation right now: I fell in love with a friend of mine and she just moved away to another city in order to go to university and she doesn't want a relationship and it's just really ruining our friendship, this is something that I never wanted because I really care a lot about her as a person. Ah well, love ist complicated.

Does this girl know exactly how you feel about her? I know that it doesn't really solve anything at all, but I found it a little bit comforting to know that the girl I love knows what is going on. How painful it might be, it gives you the small satisfaction of knowing that you're not cowardly hiding any secrets. I don't know if that''s the case with you, but even if I know that we almost certainly will never end up together, the feeling of having been completely honest for once helps a little bit.

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:
Quote :
otherwise you’ll attract games (and you’ll end up losing your time

Losing time is the worst part of all of it. Trust me when I say it's better to be single than to waste weeks/months/years/whatever on someone who isn't interested in you. Better to accept the painful reality that it's never going to happen, spend a bit of time sulking to get it out of your system, and just move on. When I think of all the time I've lost by spending hours analyzing a guy only to come to the realization that its not going to work out, something I knew almost from day one anyway, I get sick.

But sometimes it's just not possible to forget the whole thing, as you are suggesting now. If it is about a person that shares the same city, the same friends and the same bar as you, it's just impossible to ignore her completely and just move on with your life. And even if it would be possible to ignore her completely: what if you really like this person, no matter what she thinks of you or no matter what she does wrong to you? The girl I was referring to sent me a few texts tonight about the terrible feeling she has about the more distant relationship we have after last week (and she doesn't even know that I know she was with a friend of mine on Thursday). And even if I really am quite angry about the lack of respect and honesty from her part, I know that I can't stay mad at her. The bottom line here: you can't hide how you feel, no matter what arguments there are to prove you otherwise. It makes you more honest, but it doesn't make things easier at all.
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Hirti
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:43 am

mingus wrote:
Does this girl know exactly how you feel about her? I know that it doesn't really solve anything at all, but I found it a little bit comforting to know that the girl I love knows what is going on. How painful it might be, it gives you the small satisfaction of knowing that you're not cowardly hiding any secrets. I don't know if that''s the case with you, but even if I know that we almost certainly will never end up together, the feeling of having been completely honest for once helps a little bit.
Yeah, she knows about my feelings for her. Well, we kissed a few times and I told her that I want a relationship and I know she had some feelings for me too. But she didn't want a relationship because she has moved to Vienna a few weeks ago and yeah, I don't know. It's just hard, but I guess love is hard for everyone. Wink But I have to agree with you, at least I was honest and this helps a bit. Smile
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Harbortown
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:44 am

Darn it.

I was passing by the campus bus stop and stopped for a minute to talk to a friend of mine. Then this girl walked up to us and asked how much the bus ride is, and she was about 20 cents low so I gave her some quarters. She said thank you and "I'll pay you back". I said "Nah don't worry about it".

Thing is, she's very pretty, I've seen her before and always wanted to strike up a conversation. Now I had a good opportunity but didn't realize until I was on my walk home that I coulda talked to her.
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NeverTrustAJunkie
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 3:47 am

I'm not saying it's easy to move on, especially if you have mutual friends, etc. It's totally going to suck and is totally going to be awkward. But the good news is that it's not permanent. Honestly in a situation like yours, I'd take some space from her for awhile (like, stop texting or whatever).

The being honest with yourself part means that you really have to think about how it's going to make you feel to be around her while she's dating other people, and how it makes you feel that she's texting you about staying close while you know she's dating someone and not telling you about it. If you're fine with taking more pain from someone who (to paraphrase what you said) lacks honesty and respect for you, then I'd have to ask why you feel you deserve that kind of treatment from someone. You said you were angry. Don't ignore that feeling. Cus you're right. It's expecting a lot of you. "Oh, I know you're in love with me and might need some time. But let's stay close and you just suck it up while I go off to someone else's room." F that noise.

Harbortown- at least you have a conversation point (bus fare) the next time you see her Wink
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JimmyB
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:09 pm

Wow....I am honestly amazed how civil and understanding you guys and girls are. Thank you for keeping this good conversation, and pointers.
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plugga
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 7:11 pm

why wouldn't we be civil? I mean we all had (better, have) issues in this field ; )
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:13 pm

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:


Harbortown- at least you have a conversation point (bus fare) the next time you see her Wink
Haha, for sure.

I hope I see her again soon, that she recognizes me and that she doesn't have a boyfriend.
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:53 pm

plugga wrote:
why wouldn't we be civil? I mean we all had (better, have) issues in this field ; )

Just with a couple friends (yes I do have a couple) I brought it up, They just started to act like uncivil.
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NeverTrustAJunkie
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:37 am

I'm glad you're taking it the right way. I thought I might come across too harsh! The 'be honest with yourself' is the best advice I ever received so I always advise that whenever someone else voices romantic frustration. As they say, the truth shall set you free Wink
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plugga
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:43 am

JimmyB wrote:
plugga wrote:
why wouldn't we be civil? I mean we all had (better, have) issues in this field ; )

Just with a couple friends (yes I do have a couple) I brought it up, They just started to act like uncivil.

Well they're no ryan gosling so next time just tell them to shut up haha
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Debonair
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Wed Oct 05, 2011 3:45 am

Just hopefully some of this has helped in some way at least, from experience alot of what people are saying is true. I hate when people ask for help about relationships, agree that it makes sense, and don't follow it. Then when things go wrong their like, "I don't get why it went wrong"

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Hirti
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Thu Oct 06, 2011 6:00 pm

NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:
The 'be honest with yourself' is the best advice I ever received so I always advise that whenever someone else voices romantic frustration. As they say, the truth shall set you free Wink
This kept me thinking a lot the past 2 days, because it's just so true. What a great advice. Smile
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Thu Oct 06, 2011 6:48 pm

Hirti wrote:
NeverTrustAJunkie wrote:
The 'be honest with yourself' is the best advice I ever received so I always advise that whenever someone else voices romantic frustration. As they say, the truth shall set you free Wink
This kept me thinking a lot the past 2 days, because it's just so true. What a great advice. Smile

Harshly evaluating things seriously changed the way I look at all situations (even my professional life). Sometimes it results in a fit of sad rage for a few days when you realize you can't get what you want, but man does it save time. And, the good news is that it eventually results in at least a little bit of inner peace! At least until the next drama comes along.
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:09 am

A girl has feelings for me and I don't have feelings for her. It's making me uncomfortable.
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:31 am

Harbortown wrote:
A girl has feelings for me and I don't have feelings for her. It's making me uncomfortable.

Don't break too many hearts while you're there!
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:40 am

Don't worry sugar, I'll be gentle.
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:41 am

Uuuugh she just sent me a kiss emoticon on MSN. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, GIRL.
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plugga
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 11, 2011 4:56 am

Harbortown wrote:
Uuuugh she just sent me a kiss emoticon on MSN. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, GIRL.

SHE'S IN LOVE
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:05 am

plugga wrote:
Harbortown wrote:
Uuuugh she just sent me a kiss emoticon on MSN. GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF, GIRL.

SHE'S IN LOVE
We've hung out twice.

Twice.

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plugga
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PostSubject: Re: romance issues   Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:08 am

It's because you're swedish idk
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