Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]

JimmyB wrote:

Another new one

Every little bit counts

I've been better, I've been worse. Said my prayers and swore a curse. Never thought I'd be be right here but here I am again.
Have you ever understood, what it's like to sing the blues, Have you ever had to fake a smile

There's a weakness deep inside us
There's a strength as well
Some us find the strengh, some just give right up.

Sometimes the world just goes to hell, I've been there from time to time
Who knows when things just turn around, there's a frown for every smile

Can I sing the blues good enough for you
Could I play the blues strong enough for you
Who else can play them like I do

There's a weakness deep inside us
There's a strength as well
Some us find the strengh, some just give right up.

What can you do, when get there, can you ever try again?
When all your friends are gone as well as any fan
Can I pick up the phone and scream sorry
I was a fool, and can you ever forgive me

Every little bit counts this time around
Help me from being held down
save me from the ghosts that never were
Help me rise above it all

There's a weakness deep inside us
There's a strength as well
Some us find the strengh, some just give right up.

This one's pretty cool Jimmy. Has a real Darkness on the Edge of Town vibe, but also very sounds like a very emotional, almost Menzingers type lyric. If you haven't listened to that band, you should

I liked yours a lot DeathoftheCool! I wish I new english perfectly to write such lyrics for my songs.

Gotta hand it to you, Jimmy, you've got a thing for lyrics.

Harbortown wrote:

Gotta hand it to you, Jimmy, you've got a thing for lyrics.

Heck, I don't even know where it comes from to be honest. I just get an idea in my head and play around with words until I come up with something good. You are going to LOVE this next one I finished up...it's got a Horrible Crowes flavor to it. I do plan to do a recording before I post the lyrics.

HolyBreakOfDay wrote:

I liked yours a lot DeathoftheCool! I wish I new english perfectly to write such lyrics for my songs.

Thanks! I guess that comes with the geography. I wish I knew the four languages of Switzerland perfectly!

Deathofcool, I like yours as well. I couldn't figure out a rhythm for it, but the lyrics described a perfect "movie", and I could see the scenes taking place just reading them. Beautifully done!

JimmyB wrote:

Deathofcool, I like yours as well. I couldn't figure out a rhythm for it, but the lyrics described a perfect "movie", and I could see the scenes taking place just reading them. Beautifully done!

Thanks Jim. It's a poem, but I plan on turning it into at least a couple songs later. So it'd make sense that there isn't much of a musical rhythm to it. One day!
I'm glad you guys are able to visualize the verses, that was the intent

First paragraph of the new story I'm working on. Started writing ten minutes ago, this is completely rough and unedited first draft:

When he was a boy his father would lift him by the collar and ask him why he could never do anything quietly. He could never reside in the background or turn his cheek. He could not enter a room without making his presence felt, though seldom did he attempt to announce himself. He was hated by few and loved by even fewer, but there was not a soul he encountered that wouldn’t remember him. When he came to Saltree on a grey May morning things were no different. His engine’s rattle was heard before the regulars at the Route 9 Diner could make out his car through the smoky windows. His ’72 Chevy Malibu, so black that the white streak down its middle seemed an illusion, burned towards the town line with a vicious elegance that not even the elements could ignore. It was as if summer rode into town on the spine of the old black car as it spit dust from beneath its tires.

This is something I started writing a while ago. This is the first song(really just a poem at this point) I've ever written that started with a concept that I wanted to write around, so the words took a while to come to me but I think I finally got to where I wanted to. Any feedback or interpretations would be greatly enjoyed and appreciated!

The Bridge

He walked across the bridge that he had once set on fire.
The road seemed faded and the air felt colder
But not much had changed except for the time.
He walked to that spot where he cradled his thoughts
Never onto pages but with blood and tear drops.
The ashes since had blown away
Forming new bridges with others that strayed.
They floated in the autumn breeze like the fumes from which they came
Searching for souls that cried out the same.

He paced through the outlets in which he had escaped.
Haunted and enlightened by the ghosts of that time
With fear and love and hope for his imperfect crime.
The spring leaves now colored the unprompted lane
A secondary wish and a tertiary change
Memorable faith in a forgettable sight
In nothing but darkness he only saw white.

Within the walls of the changing of the seasons
He forgot the mindset of the changing of his reasons
Sparked by the fire of the blood in his veins
Burnt air in summer time from a cold winter’s remains
Lay distant and indifferent from a man entangled and enslaved

He sat alone and enclosed by what was once destined to be
The saving grace of heartbreak in every lingering defeat
The thoughts and the words carried by the unforgiving wind
Consumed the heart and the soul past the depths of their ends
Floating “between happy and total fucking wreck”
Better than swimming in the bitter water of the apathetic
Bridges burn, ashes rise

More a realization than a choice, more revelation than belief
In a hauntingly beautiful sunrise, eyes settled on trembling feet
The patient reliable arc that bends but never breaks
Glides over the river that evaporates into future mistakes
Roads paved with love, hope, faith, and time
Bring life to this brilliantly imperfect design
Ghosts buried by the ashes and brought to life by the rain
Guard the frozen endpoints as he walks on the same
Across the bridge that he had once set on fire

OldManShoes3 wrote:

Floating “between happy and total fucking wreck”
Better than swimming in the bitter water of the apathetic

It seemed like a very well-done Gaslight rewrite until this. Well done, sir, this is a very very very good line. And I don't just spout bullshit for no reason other than to be nice on here. I really mean that.

OldManShoes3 wrote:

They floated in the autumn breeze like the fumes from which they came
Searching for souls that cried out the same.

OldManShoes3 wrote:

He paced through the outlets in which he had escaped.
Haunted and enlightened by the ghosts of that time
With fear and love and hope for his imperfect crime.

I love these thow parts. Sorry my feedback is not very developped but I wanted to say it

Jack wrote:

OldManShoes3 wrote:

Floating “between happy and total fucking wreck”
Better than swimming in the bitter water of the apathetic

It seemed like a very well-done Gaslight rewrite until this. Well done, sir, this is a very very very good line. And I don't just spout bullshit for no reason other than to be nice on here. I really mean that.

Appreciate the compliment man haha. I got stuck for a while after writing the first 3 verses, but when I finally got that line down the rest of the words just flowed out right away.

And to clarify, "Gaslight rewrite" was not a slight to you. We're all influenced by Brian's writing on here, myself very much included.

it's been a while....

there's too many miles passing under my feet,
and too many people looking like their beat,
too many liars fixin' things to cheat,
too many eyes just facing a backseat.

so just rain on me,
yeah just rain on me,
just rain on me,
yeah just rain on me.

there's too many hours gone to claw back,
too many moments empty lives still lack,
and too many people just under attack,
too many times a day has turned black.

so just rain on me,
yeah just rain on me,
just rain on me,
yeah just rain on me.

there's too much lost in the blink of an eye,
too much wrong for us to just drive by,
and too much weight hangin' under the sky,
too many times to be the fall guy.

I like it. Sounds like a darker song...and I LOVE IT!

A new one from me, Some Kind Of Home:

I've never been so far from home
I've never been so far and alone
I've wandered these roads
Looking for my own soul

So tonight I look around
Tonight I try to find the unfound
I find myself wishing on the northern star
For some kind of home

I wander from town to town
Dressed in my best
all wrapped up in this pain
While I stand out in the rain

So tonight I look around
Tonight I try to find the unfound
I find myself wishing on the northern star
For some kind of home

So here I am for once and for all
Turn the radio on
I always can find myself in the sound
My ghosts haunt everything I do
They chase away the good


So tonight I look around
Tonight I try to find the unfound
I find myself wishing on the northern star
For some kind of home

^ very good chorus there, buddy.

Steve70s wrote:

^ very good chorus there, buddy.

Thank you!  

YO YO YO
Out of the Past

I'll be your back up plan
It doesn't matter to me
I'll leave my lonely nights
With your spare set of keys
Got stranded under the lights
Of your electric marquee
Till your dirigible heart
Threw me over the balcony

If I release myself to you,
Will I wake years later in your basement
Taped up inside a sarcophagus box
Wondering where you've gone?

All of your hillside plans
Were written on your face
Left me with billboard eyes
And a handful of lace
I knew two parts of you
That's what I'd always say
I found you in my sleep
Like you were here to stay
You laced your hands in mine,
Gripped the straps of your purse,
And whispered in my ear,
"Which part died first?"

Since I gave myself to you,
And you packed me up with all your souvenirs
And the scraps that you tried to forget
Explain to me why I come back to you...

You and your haunted mind
Like two shadows on a darkened street
Quiet the beat of your chest, my friend
'Cause they're not coming closer this time -
They're walking away

Please don't take me from the resting place you've kept me for so long
'Till you crawl back into the Laurel Canyon quicksand where you belong

Train to Nowhere.

I can see the gleaming of an  old steam train
Going down the old line, scaring away the pain
I want to ride on it for the rest of my life
running away from all that is not right

It'll be alright
Running after our desires at night
Walking in the rain
Riding on a nowhere train

It's a long gone spirit, a ghost train you know
If I get on, I will never get off again
But that's alright, it's fine with me
I never really cared for anything that I see

It'll be alright
Running our dreams at night
Walking in the rain
Riding on a nowhere train

Pennsylvania moonlight, gives that train a shine
While the ghosts of old train men, keep that girl alive
Always looking for the railroad men that always lived on the road of steel

It'll be alright
Holding on to each other in the night
Walking in the rain
Riding on a nowhere train

Now I hear it coming, and I can see that headlight
I am bound to ride it forever and again
That train carries lost souls forever more

Differentials

This streetlight keeps flickering
As I wait for the downtown bus
To take me home

An hour gone by
Like ghosts that sneak behind
The back of sleepless eyes

Thoughts caught in between
Like echoes whispering
On silent seamless roads

Why can’t I sleep after the longest of days?
If I find my way home it was just a mistake

6 AM, coldest day of spring
I break into my own house
Through a window I’d never seen

Footsteps in the night
Shuffle fallen leaves
Like the wind in disguise

Clouds seem to lean
And waver in the sky
Like a lonely lantern left alive

Why can't I sleep after the longest of days?
If I don't make it home don't stay up and wait

I could just sit here all night long
And listen to these sad songs
Of youth and heartbreak

I could sit here all night
Just sing along to these sweet songs
Of youthful mistakes

What a difference a small change can make
When rules are set with nothing at stake

Looks like we got a couple o writers around here!

JimmyB you have a knack for good solid rock lyrics
And OldManShoes those are some cool words, I'm wondering what it sounds like

DeathoftheCool wrote:

Looks like we got a couple o writers around here!

JimmyB you have a knack for good solid rock lyrics
And OldManShoes those are some cool words, I'm wondering what it sounds like

Thank you for that. I've actually been able to try to start them over to country songs as well if need be.

A WIP. Still untitled.

I've known about this place, down on mainstreet
where our nightmares and the visionaries dance
Where The local musicians and fans meet,
I've seen this all before my friend

I've danced in the dancehalls from 1922
I've held a girl closer than they ever did back then
I've dreamed about a history I've never really had
I've been away for way too long.

I went away in the summer of 2010
Off to a new home trying to rewrite the past
But all the fighting I've my friend
Only left me feeling older than I am in the end.

I can't hold on to this forever, I've gotta let it go
before I grow old
Can I hold your hand like this is 1955.

I've been working on this the last 20 minutes. Right now it's set to Em-G-D-A.

The year's getting late and the nights are getting cold,
Molly's turnin' to me and says "I've been your biggest fan since we were six-years-old"
Dorothy takes her out by the abandoned railroad track
Follow the bending rails all the way back
To her home
In the city

He won't return her calls and he won't write her back
But she keeps on trying to contact our old friend Pat
But Pat's out across the country, haunting California
Dorothy and Molly both hope he'll be getting back to us someday
All the way
Back to dusty old NJ

(Chorus)
Molly had the sweetest eyes of any girl I've ever seen
She filled out her leather jacket and all the spaces in-between
And Dorothy's pretty too but oh she never had those eyes
That tore them hearts in two inside of all those other guys
I hope you're alright

I sent her a bunch of roses and she sent me a note back
Thanking me for the flowers but it was far too late for that
No matter how hard I tried, well Lord, she ain't coming back
She ain't coming back, she's never coming back

(Chorus)

That's all I got