| Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] | |
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DeathoftheCool The Navesink Banks


Posts : 1953 Join date : 2010-07-26 Age : 24 Location : The Dreaded Barbary Coast
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Thu May 16, 2013 4:18 am | |
| - JimmyB wrote:
- Another new one
Every little bit counts
I've been better, I've been worse. Said my prayers and swore a curse. Never thought I'd be be right here but here I am again. Have you ever understood, what it's like to sing the blues, Have you ever had to fake a smile
There's a weakness deep inside us There's a strength as well Some us find the strengh, some just give right up.
Sometimes the world just goes to hell, I've been there from time to time Who knows when things just turn around, there's a frown for every smile
Can I sing the blues good enough for you Could I play the blues strong enough for you Who else can play them like I do
There's a weakness deep inside us There's a strength as well Some us find the strengh, some just give right up.
What can you do, when get there, can you ever try again? When all your friends are gone as well as any fan Can I pick up the phone and scream sorry I was a fool, and can you ever forgive me
Every little bit counts this time around Help me from being held down save me from the ghosts that never were Help me rise above it all
There's a weakness deep inside us There's a strength as well Some us find the strengh, some just give right up.
This one's pretty cool Jimmy. Has a real Darkness on the Edge of Town vibe, but also very sounds like a very emotional, almost Menzingers type lyric. If you haven't listened to that band, you should |
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HolyBreakOfDay Wooderson


Posts : 325 Join date : 2012-11-06 Age : 31 Location : Switzerland
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Thu May 16, 2013 5:38 am | |
| I liked yours a lot DeathoftheCool! I wish I new english perfectly to write such lyrics for my songs. |
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Harbortown The Navesink Banks


Posts : 6726 Join date : 2011-04-13 Age : 28 Location : Kingdom of the Swedes
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Thu May 16, 2013 3:29 pm | |
| Gotta hand it to you, Jimmy, you've got a thing for lyrics. |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Thu May 16, 2013 3:48 pm | |
| - Harbortown wrote:
- Gotta hand it to you, Jimmy, you've got a thing for lyrics.
Heck, I don't even know where it comes from to be honest. I just get an idea in my head and play around with words until I come up with something good. You are going to LOVE this next one I finished up...it's got a Horrible Crowes flavor to it. I do plan to do a recording before I post the lyrics. |
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DeathoftheCool The Navesink Banks


Posts : 1953 Join date : 2010-07-26 Age : 24 Location : The Dreaded Barbary Coast
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Thu May 16, 2013 5:44 pm | |
| - HolyBreakOfDay wrote:
- I liked yours a lot DeathoftheCool! I wish I new english perfectly to write such lyrics for my songs.
Thanks! I guess that comes with the geography. I wish I knew the four languages of Switzerland perfectly! |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Thu May 16, 2013 6:32 pm | |
| Deathofcool, I like yours as well. I couldn't figure out a rhythm for it, but the lyrics described a perfect "movie", and I could see the scenes taking place just reading them. Beautifully done! |
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DeathoftheCool The Navesink Banks


Posts : 1953 Join date : 2010-07-26 Age : 24 Location : The Dreaded Barbary Coast
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Thu May 16, 2013 7:42 pm | |
| - JimmyB wrote:
- Deathofcool, I like yours as well. I couldn't figure out a rhythm for it, but the lyrics described a perfect "movie", and I could see the scenes taking place just reading them. Beautifully done!
Thanks Jim. It's a poem, but I plan on turning it into at least a couple songs later. So it'd make sense that there isn't much of a musical rhythm to it. One day! I'm glad you guys are able to visualize the verses, that was the intent |
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eagles1139 I'da called you Woody


Posts : 721 Join date : 2011-08-22 Age : 25 Location : Connecticut
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat May 18, 2013 7:22 pm | |
| First paragraph of the new story I'm working on. Started writing ten minutes ago, this is completely rough and unedited first draft:
When he was a boy his father would lift him by the collar and ask him why he could never do anything quietly. He could never reside in the background or turn his cheek. He could not enter a room without making his presence felt, though seldom did he attempt to announce himself. He was hated by few and loved by even fewer, but there was not a soul he encountered that wouldn’t remember him. When he came to Saltree on a grey May morning things were no different. His engine’s rattle was heard before the regulars at the Route 9 Diner could make out his car through the smoky windows. His ’72 Chevy Malibu, so black that the white streak down its middle seemed an illusion, burned towards the town line with a vicious elegance that not even the elements could ignore. It was as if summer rode into town on the spine of the old black car as it spit dust from beneath its tires. |
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OldManShoes3 Red In The Morning


Posts : 67 Join date : 2012-06-19
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat May 18, 2013 9:26 pm | |
| This is something I started writing a while ago. This is the first song(really just a poem at this point) I've ever written that started with a concept that I wanted to write around, so the words took a while to come to me but I think I finally got to where I wanted to. Any feedback or interpretations would be greatly enjoyed and appreciated!
The Bridge
He walked across the bridge that he had once set on fire. The road seemed faded and the air felt colder But not much had changed except for the time. He walked to that spot where he cradled his thoughts Never onto pages but with blood and tear drops. The ashes since had blown away Forming new bridges with others that strayed. They floated in the autumn breeze like the fumes from which they came Searching for souls that cried out the same.
He paced through the outlets in which he had escaped. Haunted and enlightened by the ghosts of that time With fear and love and hope for his imperfect crime. The spring leaves now colored the unprompted lane A secondary wish and a tertiary change Memorable faith in a forgettable sight In nothing but darkness he only saw white.
Within the walls of the changing of the seasons He forgot the mindset of the changing of his reasons Sparked by the fire of the blood in his veins Burnt air in summer time from a cold winter’s remains Lay distant and indifferent from a man entangled and enslaved
He sat alone and enclosed by what was once destined to be The saving grace of heartbreak in every lingering defeat The thoughts and the words carried by the unforgiving wind Consumed the heart and the soul past the depths of their ends Floating “between happy and total fucking wreck” Better than swimming in the bitter water of the apathetic Bridges burn, ashes rise
More a realization than a choice, more revelation than belief In a hauntingly beautiful sunrise, eyes settled on trembling feet The patient reliable arc that bends but never breaks Glides over the river that evaporates into future mistakes Roads paved with love, hope, faith, and time Bring life to this brilliantly imperfect design Ghosts buried by the ashes and brought to life by the rain Guard the frozen endpoints as he walks on the same Across the bridge that he had once set on fire
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Jack The '59 Sound


Posts : 1218 Join date : 2009-12-12 Location : Jersey
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat May 18, 2013 9:35 pm | |
| - OldManShoes3 wrote:
Floating “between happy and total fucking wreck” Better than swimming in the bitter water of the apathetic
It seemed like a very well-done Gaslight rewrite until this. Well done, sir, this is a very very very good line. And I don't just spout bullshit for no reason other than to be nice on here. I really mean that. |
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HolyBreakOfDay Wooderson


Posts : 325 Join date : 2012-11-06 Age : 31 Location : Switzerland
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat May 18, 2013 9:40 pm | |
| - OldManShoes3 wrote:
They floated in the autumn breeze like the fumes from which they came Searching for souls that cried out the same.
- OldManShoes3 wrote:
He paced through the outlets in which he had escaped. Haunted and enlightened by the ghosts of that time With fear and love and hope for his imperfect crime.
I love these thow parts. Sorry my feedback is not very developped but I wanted to say it  |
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OldManShoes3 Red In The Morning


Posts : 67 Join date : 2012-06-19
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Tue May 21, 2013 2:02 pm | |
| - Jack wrote:
- OldManShoes3 wrote:
Floating “between happy and total fucking wreck” Better than swimming in the bitter water of the apathetic
It seemed like a very well-done Gaslight rewrite until this. Well done, sir, this is a very very very good line. And I don't just spout bullshit for no reason other than to be nice on here. I really mean that.
Appreciate the compliment man haha. I got stuck for a while after writing the first 3 verses, but when I finally got that line down the rest of the words just flowed out right away. |
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Jack The '59 Sound


Posts : 1218 Join date : 2009-12-12 Location : Jersey
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Tue May 21, 2013 2:33 pm | |
| And to clarify, "Gaslight rewrite" was not a slight to you. We're all influenced by Brian's writing on here, myself very much included. |
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Steve70s Wooderson


Posts : 425 Join date : 2012-01-27 Age : 45 Location : Lincolnshire
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat Sep 07, 2013 3:28 pm | |
| it's been a while....
there's too many miles passing under my feet, and too many people looking like their beat, too many liars fixin' things to cheat, too many eyes just facing a backseat. so just rain on me, yeah just rain on me, just rain on me, yeah just rain on me. there's too many hours gone to claw back, too many moments empty lives still lack, and too many people just under attack, too many times a day has turned black. so just rain on me, yeah just rain on me, just rain on me, yeah just rain on me. there's too much lost in the blink of an eye, too much wrong for us to just drive by, and too much weight hangin' under the sky, too many times to be the fall guy. |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat Sep 07, 2013 4:52 pm | |
| I like it. Sounds like a darker song...and I LOVE IT! |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat Sep 07, 2013 4:53 pm | |
| A new one from me, Some Kind Of Home:
I've never been so far from home I've never been so far and alone I've wandered these roads Looking for my own soul
So tonight I look around Tonight I try to find the unfound I find myself wishing on the northern star For some kind of home
I wander from town to town Dressed in my best all wrapped up in this pain While I stand out in the rain
So tonight I look around Tonight I try to find the unfound I find myself wishing on the northern star For some kind of home
So here I am for once and for all Turn the radio on I always can find myself in the sound My ghosts haunt everything I do They chase away the good
So tonight I look around Tonight I try to find the unfound I find myself wishing on the northern star For some kind of home |
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Steve70s Wooderson


Posts : 425 Join date : 2012-01-27 Age : 45 Location : Lincolnshire
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Mon Sep 09, 2013 5:08 am | |
| ^ very good chorus there, buddy. |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Mon Sep 23, 2013 3:07 pm | |
| - Steve70s wrote:
- ^ very good chorus there, buddy.
Thank you! |
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DeathoftheCool The Navesink Banks


Posts : 1953 Join date : 2010-07-26 Age : 24 Location : The Dreaded Barbary Coast
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:52 am | |
| YO YO YO Out of the Past
I'll be your back up plan It doesn't matter to me I'll leave my lonely nights With your spare set of keys Got stranded under the lights Of your electric marquee Till your dirigible heart Threw me over the balcony
If I release myself to you, Will I wake years later in your basement Taped up inside a sarcophagus box Wondering where you've gone?
All of your hillside plans Were written on your face Left me with billboard eyes And a handful of lace I knew two parts of you That's what I'd always say I found you in my sleep Like you were here to stay You laced your hands in mine, Gripped the straps of your purse, And whispered in my ear, "Which part died first?"
Since I gave myself to you, And you packed me up with all your souvenirs And the scraps that you tried to forget Explain to me why I come back to you...
You and your haunted mind Like two shadows on a darkened street Quiet the beat of your chest, my friend 'Cause they're not coming closer this time - They're walking away
Please don't take me from the resting place you've kept me for so long 'Till you crawl back into the Laurel Canyon quicksand where you belong |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Wed Sep 25, 2013 1:35 pm | |
| Train to Nowhere.
I can see the gleaming of an old steam train Going down the old line, scaring away the pain I want to ride on it for the rest of my life running away from all that is not right
It'll be alright Running after our desires at night Walking in the rain Riding on a nowhere train
It's a long gone spirit, a ghost train you know If I get on, I will never get off again But that's alright, it's fine with me I never really cared for anything that I see
It'll be alright Running our dreams at night Walking in the rain Riding on a nowhere train
Pennsylvania moonlight, gives that train a shine While the ghosts of old train men, keep that girl alive Always looking for the railroad men that always lived on the road of steel
It'll be alright Holding on to each other in the night Walking in the rain Riding on a nowhere train
Now I hear it coming, and I can see that headlight I am bound to ride it forever and again That train carries lost souls forever more |
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OldManShoes3 Red In The Morning


Posts : 67 Join date : 2012-06-19
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Fri Sep 27, 2013 5:48 am | |
| Differentials
This streetlight keeps flickering As I wait for the downtown bus To take me home
An hour gone by Like ghosts that sneak behind The back of sleepless eyes
Thoughts caught in between Like echoes whispering On silent seamless roads
Why can’t I sleep after the longest of days? If I find my way home it was just a mistake
6 AM, coldest day of spring I break into my own house Through a window I’d never seen
Footsteps in the night Shuffle fallen leaves Like the wind in disguise
Clouds seem to lean And waver in the sky Like a lonely lantern left alive
Why can't I sleep after the longest of days? If I don't make it home don't stay up and wait
I could just sit here all night long And listen to these sad songs Of youth and heartbreak
I could sit here all night Just sing along to these sweet songs Of youthful mistakes
What a difference a small change can make When rules are set with nothing at stake |
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DeathoftheCool The Navesink Banks


Posts : 1953 Join date : 2010-07-26 Age : 24 Location : The Dreaded Barbary Coast
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Fri Sep 27, 2013 6:37 am | |
| Looks like we got a couple o writers around here!
JimmyB you have a knack for good solid rock lyrics And OldManShoes those are some cool words, I'm wondering what it sounds like |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Fri Sep 27, 2013 11:17 am | |
| - DeathoftheCool wrote:
- Looks like we got a couple o writers around here!
JimmyB you have a knack for good solid rock lyrics And OldManShoes those are some cool words, I'm wondering what it sounds like
Thank you for that. I've actually been able to try to start them over to country songs as well if need be. |
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JimmyB The Navesink Banks


Posts : 5617 Join date : 2010-10-27 Age : 27 Location : Pennsylvania-The land of the Three Rivers.
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Fri Oct 04, 2013 4:20 pm | |
| A WIP. Still untitled.
I've known about this place, down on mainstreet where our nightmares and the visionaries dance Where The local musicians and fans meet, I've seen this all before my friend
I've danced in the dancehalls from 1922 I've held a girl closer than they ever did back then I've dreamed about a history I've never really had I've been away for way too long.
I went away in the summer of 2010 Off to a new home trying to rewrite the past But all the fighting I've my friend Only left me feeling older than I am in the end.
I can't hold on to this forever, I've gotta let it go before I grow old Can I hold your hand like this is 1955. |
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Guest Guest
 | Subject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics] Sat Nov 09, 2013 10:17 pm | |
| I've been working on this the last 20 minutes. Right now it's set to Em-G-D-A.
The year's getting late and the nights are getting cold, Molly's turnin' to me and says "I've been your biggest fan since we were six-years-old" Dorothy takes her out by the abandoned railroad track Follow the bending rails all the way back To her home In the city
He won't return her calls and he won't write her back But she keeps on trying to contact our old friend Pat But Pat's out across the country, haunting California Dorothy and Molly both hope he'll be getting back to us someday All the way Back to dusty old NJ
(Chorus) Molly had the sweetest eyes of any girl I've ever seen She filled out her leather jacket and all the spaces in-between And Dorothy's pretty too but oh she never had those eyes That tore them hearts in two inside of all those other guys I hope you're alright
I sent her a bunch of roses and she sent me a note back Thanking me for the flowers but it was far too late for that No matter how hard I tried, well Lord, she ain't coming back She ain't coming back, she's never coming back
(Chorus)
That's all I got |
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