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 Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]

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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:02 pm

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
As requested by Cody, here is a short poem I wrote recently.

A cannonball on fire
In search of a quiet night
Of peace eternal, redemption
Darkness turned to light

You offered everything
With total understanding
I tossed you a shrug
Consumed by thoughts of running

A regret for the lonely
My fault entirely

Love this, Shannon!!!
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JimmyB
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:31 pm

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
JimmyB wrote:
I have a few lines that have yet to make a song, I might throw those up to ask if it is worth trying to find a home for those.


Okay, one of those line things


I walk these floors Wondering where I went wrong
Where I left the road I was on, Or How I got so lost
But now I feel the summer coming on, The Hot dry air blowin back your hair
0hh As we drive down, route number 88

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go

We would spend all our nights dancing or at home
We would never let go, of our dreams or each other
Never let go, of all we grew up with

Same with all the fears that still haunt us,
Or all the dreams that have become dust
We would always be scared that this would come and yes it has

Jimmy, this is really good! I don't know if this is what you intended or not, but it has a great classic rock vibe that reminded me so much of Bob Seger. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I see glimpses of Against the Wind and a couple others in your lyrics. And I love this stanza:

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go


Was that a little nod to High Lonesome?

I'm so glad you shared this. Once again, I am in awe of the talent around here. Very Happy

You said against the Wind glimpses in there? Can I ask where?
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scarsrsouvenirs
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 5:44 pm

love all this stuff! really cool thread.

here's a couple songs i been workin on lately. i'd love some feedback or anything you all think

The Fall

The Northern wind was turned to stone.
The Northern wind was turned to gravel roads.
You walked in without a sound.
You walked in and I heard whispers all around.

The leaves that burned up in the Fall,
The leaves that burned up in the Fall were turned to snow.
You walked in without a sound.
You walked in and I heard angels falling down.

I never felt like a man til I met you.

The days go by and I can't sleep.
The days go by and I can barely breathe.
You walked out without a sound.
You walked out and I heard the curtain hit the ground.

The heart I don't bare anymore,
The heart I don't bare anymore was turned to dust.
You walked out without a sound.
You walked out and I heard the curtain hit the ground.

You hung a lover out to dry on a telephone wire.
But I never felt like a man til I met you.


and here's the other


Dreaming Of Denmark

Maryís handing fortunes out on Belvedere.
Every night, angels come down from the Heights.
The boys and girls from the University,
They follow Mary on the nights when they canít go home.

Virginia never hung out much in Carytown,
With the cats who always had the facts.
She spent her time hiding out on the South side,
Or getting busted for sleeping in the park.
But she never stopped dreaming of Denmark.

I seen the Saints over on Lucks Lane,
With the girls whoíve never seen the world.
They hide their hearts come February,
When the Valentines parade.
But they never stop dreaming of Denmark.

They cut down the woods behind my house.
Built million dollar homes with the trees I used to know.
Nothin I coulda done so I watched them work.
Felt like I was watching Eden burn.
But Iíve never stopped dreaming of Denmark.


and i know "denmark" has obviously influences in it (the names Mary, Virginia, sleeping in the park, etc) so just know I'm not trying to steal from the greats, just paying tribute i guess...

anyway, hope you like them!
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 6:02 pm


I don't have a title for it, feel free to suggest:

Leave all your belongings here,
Walk into your deepest fear,
The unknown awaits for your body,
Let the heat come towards you shortly

Well then keep it cool you kid,
It took me too long before I did,
What I saw were left behind trails,
And what I found were empty shells

On these roads the kids lost their lives,
To toys of war and imaginery prizes,
You can still see their footsteps in the sand,
Do you think we're going where they went?

You're in too long!

I went there in a burning hot spring,
My feet got warm and started to sink,
I felt something sting, some iron tool,
I ran away and went back to the cool

Angels laid smiling on reflecting ground,
While childly soldiers marched around,
Is this paradise, is this imagination?
Or is this an inferno, our last station?
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:47 pm

I've never once posted lyrics like this and only one person has ever actually read something I wrote, but here's the lyrics to the last song I wrote. It's not complete, and I'm sure things will be changed around, but here's the basics!


The streets are lined with heartache, and memories of a warmer day
A million miles a minute, my mind was screaming, choked, and plagued
Hid away from everything, there I go again
Forget those questions. I can't explain

Sip on my drink, poison pumps through my veins
A missing friend who's turned away
Gone the very instant I needed your hand
I need your hand

You never promised me anything
But you meant the world, and gave me your attention
But I scurried away
At the very first sign of affection

I got everything I wanted
Free to be alone again
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DeathoftheCool
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:57 pm

I've always tried to articulate that "need your hand" sentiment. very nice. I guess everyone who's super into the gaslight anthem are writers, huh?
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:13 am

DeathoftheCool wrote:
I've always tried to articulate that "need your hand" sentiment. very nice. I guess everyone who's super into the gaslight anthem are writers, huh?
Which is weird, Cause I always thought my stuff was never that good. But I have Shannon saying it is pretty good. Did you see them Death? Any comments...positive or Negative? I mean the only way to get better is to get feedback, correct?
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:38 am

I like it jimmy, it's definitely goin for the gaslight heartland vibe, which is cool. their influence is so evident on all of our writing. Hank Willie and John baby, three favorite country dudes!
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 12:58 am

goodness! this is just awesome! I'm loving everything I'm reading here!
well, as Irish requested here is my new poem about the 1947 texas city disaster and my love with my ex.

The 1947 World Series
I named my heart ďmy handĒ
And left it on the SS Grandcamp,
Now the angles of the ammunition
Call me Leander from Detroit
And that black cathedral smoke
Sits in Galveston with my Hero,
Watching the World Series
And sharing a beer.

Itís Saturday night
And Christ has come early;
The enthusiastic funeral of devotion,
You keep calling Him Jackie
But weíre just an illusion, darling,
Burning on in your cometís night.

I named my heart ďmy handĒ
And left it on the SS Grandcamp,
Everything I touched I fell in love with.
I guess thatís why I couldnít fall for you.
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 1:01 am

LOVE the detail in this poem. Really different. Great symbolism and imagery. Hooray!
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 2:22 am

Hey yo, this poem's called After All These Years. Wrote it last month, lemme know what you guys think

Now and then I think about it
I have this dream where Iím on your block,
But I can see the cityís shipyards gleaming when I turn my head
And Iím back in that panorama of residential constellations.
On those nights Iíd walk home from your house
And grasp for these foggy mirages in my skull;
Iíd carry you in my pocket everywhere I went
Down the coast and across the sea
Slinking under cypress and wandering along ragged twilight streets.
And every night Iíd reach into the dusk,
Feeling for another anxious glove of fingertips.
And after all these years,
Iím still swimming for those same fading thoughts.

See sir, it was over there at the window seat where I last saw her,
In a glow of restaurant light -
Before I took my seat at the counter
and left for the ancient towers of the east.
So I guess Iíll go back to playing piano at the lounge on the 65th floor;
Because up there I canít help but think
That these glowing city streets
Are like arrows pointing east to you.
And now every night a car comes for me while I sleep -
It drives me from the ocean to the passageways downtown
But I think they closed the bridge.
Because in my dream I wasnít looking for anyone
I was just running from the deafening heat.
And after all these years
Iíve erased these blues
But I still remember you.
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 2:35 pm

stepsandnumbers wrote:
IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
As requested by Cody, here is a short poem I wrote recently.

A cannonball on fire
In search of a quiet night
Of peace eternal, redemption
Darkness turned to light

You offered everything
With total understanding
I tossed you a shrug
Consumed by thoughts of running

A regret for the lonely
My fault entirely

Love this, Shannon!!!

Thank you, Sarah!!!!! Very Happy
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 2:46 pm

JimmyB wrote:
IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
JimmyB wrote:
I have a few lines that have yet to make a song, I might throw those up to ask if it is worth trying to find a home for those.


Okay, one of those line things


I walk these floors Wondering where I went wrong
Where I left the road I was on, Or How I got so lost
But now I feel the summer coming on, The Hot dry air blowin back your hair
0hh As we drive down, route number 88

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go

We would spend all our nights dancing or at home
We would never let go, of our dreams or each other
Never let go, of all we grew up with

Same with all the fears that still haunt us,
Or all the dreams that have become dust
We would always be scared that this would come and yes it has

Jimmy, this is really good! I don't know if this is what you intended or not, but it has a great classic rock vibe that reminded me so much of Bob Seger. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I see glimpses of Against the Wind and a couple others in your lyrics. And I love this stanza:

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go


Was that a little nod to High Lonesome?

I'm so glad you shared this. Once again, I am in awe of the talent around here. Very Happy

You said against the Wind glimpses in there? Can I ask where?

I don't know if it was anything specific, it was just a feeling I had as I was reading it. Maybe it had something to do with wondering how you got to where you are and thinking about a girl in the past like the beginning of Against the Wind...I don't really know.

"It seems like yesterday
but it was long ago
Janey was lovely she was
the queen of my nights
There in the darkness
with the radio playing low"


Sometimes I hear a song or read something and it immediately reminds me of something else. This whole song feels very Bob Segerish to me, and I think that's a wonderful thing because I'm a big fan of his music. Please take it as a compliment! Very Happy
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:03 pm

scarsrsouvenirs wrote:
love all this stuff! really cool thread.

here's a couple songs i been workin on lately. i'd love some feedback or anything you all think

The Fall

The Northern wind was turned to stone.
The Northern wind was turned to gravel roads.
You walked in without a sound.
You walked in and I heard whispers all around.

The leaves that burned up in the Fall,
The leaves that burned up in the Fall were turned to snow.
You walked in without a sound.
You walked in and I heard angels falling down.

I never felt like a man til I met you.

The days go by and I can't sleep.
The days go by and I can barely breathe.
You walked out without a sound.
You walked out and I heard the curtain hit the ground.

The heart I don't bare anymore,
The heart I don't bare anymore was turned to dust.
You walked out without a sound.
You walked out and I heard the curtain hit the ground.

You hung a lover out to dry on a telephone wire.
But I never felt like a man til I met you.


and here's the other


Dreaming Of Denmark

Maryís handing fortunes out on Belvedere.
Every night, angels come down from the Heights.
The boys and girls from the University,
They follow Mary on the nights when they canít go home.

Virginia never hung out much in Carytown,
With the cats who always had the facts.
She spent her time hiding out on the South side,
Or getting busted for sleeping in the park.
But she never stopped dreaming of Denmark.

I seen the Saints over on Lucks Lane,
With the girls whoíve never seen the world.
They hide their hearts come February,
When the Valentines parade.
But they never stop dreaming of Denmark.

They cut down the woods behind my house.
Built million dollar homes with the trees I used to know.
Nothin I coulda done so I watched them work.
Felt like I was watching Eden burn.
But Iíve never stopped dreaming of Denmark.


and i know "denmark" has obviously influences in it (the names Mary, Virginia, sleeping in the park, etc) so just know I'm not trying to steal from the greats, just paying tribute i guess...

anyway, hope you like them!

I love these! Autumn is my favorite season, and as soon as I started reading your lyrics I could imagine a chilly breeze blowing through the crisp leaves on the trees, and how everything just seems to slow down and become quiet once summer is over and the days aren't so long. This is the kind of song I could listen to over and over and never get tired of it. And this verse just blew me away:

The leaves that burned up in the Fall,
The leaves that burned up in the Fall were turned to snow.
You walked in without a sound.
You walked in and I heard angels falling down.

I never felt like a man til I met you.


"I heard angels falling down." That is so hauntingly beautiful.

"Dreaming of Denmark" is fantastic, and not just because of the Gaslight nods (although I did enjoy those of course!). I really like how you told a story with your lyrics, and I felt like I was peering in through a window that belongs to this little town and I was part of their lives for a couple of minutes. Really, really good!
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:26 pm

@IrishNameAndAninjury Thank you! Glad you liked them! I will record them soon hopefully and post them on here somewhere..
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:27 pm

theBasemen wrote:

I don't have a title for it, feel free to suggest:

Leave all your belongings here,
Walk into your deepest fear,
The unknown awaits for your body,
Let the heat come towards you shortly

Well then keep it cool you kid,
It took me too long before I did,
What I saw were left behind trails,
And what I found were empty shells

On these roads the kids lost their lives,
To toys of war and imaginery prizes,
You can still see their footsteps in the sand,
Do you think we're going where they went?

You're in too long!

I went there in a burning hot spring,
My feet got warm and started to sink,
I felt something sting, some iron tool,
I ran away and went back to the cool

Angels laid smiling on reflecting ground,
While childly soldiers marched around,
Is this paradise, is this imagination?
Or is this an inferno, our last station?

This is phenomenal, Steve! I kind of reminds me of Bob Dylan's Masters of War, which is one of my favorites. And I don't compare people to Bob Dylan lightly.

On these roads the kids lost their lives,
To toys of war and imaginery prizes


^That is an especially strong part of the song, in my opinion. You were great at blending innocence (toys and imaginary prizes) with something as shockingly, horrifyingly real as war.

You have so many great lines in this song that could be possible titles. My suggestions are Toys of War or Our Last Station.
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:29 pm

scarsrsouvenirs wrote:
@IrishNameAndAninjury Thank you! Glad you liked them! I will record them soon hopefully and post them on here somewhere..


That would be great! I would love to hear them, and you can call me Shannon if you want. It's easier to type than IrishNameAndAnInjury! Razz
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:44 pm

stepsandnumbers wrote:
I've never once posted lyrics like this and only one person has ever actually read something I wrote, but here's the lyrics to the last song I wrote. It's not complete, and I'm sure things will be changed around, but here's the basics!


The streets are lined with heartache, and memories of a warmer day
A million miles a minute, my mind was screaming, choked, and plagued
Hid away from everything, there I go again
Forget those questions. I can't explain

Sip on my drink, poison pumps through my veins
A missing friend who's turned away
Gone the very instant I needed your hand
I need your hand

You never promised me anything
But you meant the world, and gave me your attention
But I scurried away
At the very first sign of affection

I got everything I wanted
Free to be alone again

First of all, thanks for being brave enough to share your lyrics with us, Sarah! I know how personal writing is and it can be very hard to expose yourself like this, so I applaud you (and everyone else who has posted) for having the guts to put your work out there.

Okay, onto the song. Um...I loved it! I really felt this song, the emotion, the pain, the story, all of it. I feel like this is one of those songs that everyone can relate to in their own way, making it extremely personal and global at the same time. It takes real talent to accomplish something like that. This was my favorite part. It gave me a serious case of the chills:

You never promised me anything
But you meant the world, and gave me your attention
But I scurried away
At the very first sign of affection

I got everything I wanted
Free to be alone again
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scarsrsouvenirs
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:49 pm

Shannon, just recorded a quick low quality version of The Fall. did it on garageband, guitar and vocals on one track, no metronome, so it's pretty rough. But it'll give you an idea of the song.

Don't know if it's what you heard in your head when you read the lyrics, but hope you like it!


http://www.mediafire.com/?xku6t1y0eps4421
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 3:53 pm

don't think that link worked. try this...

http://www.mediafire.com/?xku6t1y0eps4421
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:03 pm

The Poet Jonah wrote:
goodness! this is just awesome! I'm loving everything I'm reading here!
well, as Irish requested here is my new poem about the 1947 texas city disaster and my love with my ex.


The 1947 World Series
I named my heart ďmy handĒ
And left it on the SS Grandcamp,
Now the angles of the ammunition
Call me Leander from Detroit
And that black cathedral smoke
Sits in Galveston with my Hero,
Watching the World Series
And sharing a beer.

Itís Saturday night
And Christ has come early;
The enthusiastic funeral of devotion,
You keep calling Him Jackie
But weíre just an illusion, darling,
Burning on in your cometís night.

I named my heart ďmy handĒ
And left it on the SS Grandcamp,
Everything I touched I fell in love with.
I guess thatís why I couldnít fall for you.

I wish I had the words to explain how neat I find your talent of mixing poetry with history, Cody. It's just such a cool element that you don't see everyday (or at all!), and I love, love, love it! I think the Texas City Disaster was a great metaphor for a failed or doomed relationship and you just have so many interesting elements in this that it's hard for me to pick a favorite part. These lines were especially moving to me though:

Itís Saturday night
And Christ has come early;
The enthusiastic funeral of devotion


"The enthusiastic funeral of devotion." WOW... I love you
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:12 pm

DeathoftheCool wrote:
Hey yo, this poem's called After All These Years. Wrote it last month, lemme know what you guys think

Now and then I think about it
I have this dream where Iím on your block,
But I can see the cityís shipyards gleaming when I turn my head
And Iím back in that panorama of residential constellations.
On those nights Iíd walk home from your house
And grasp for these foggy mirages in my skull;
Iíd carry you in my pocket everywhere I went
Down the coast and across the sea
Slinking under cypress and wandering along ragged twilight streets.
And every night Iíd reach into the dusk,
Feeling for another anxious glove of fingertips.
And after all these years,
Iím still swimming for those same fading thoughts.

See sir, it was over there at the window seat where I last saw her,
In a glow of restaurant light -
Before I took my seat at the counter
and left for the ancient towers of the east.
So I guess Iíll go back to playing piano at the lounge on the 65th floor;
Because up there I canít help but think
That these glowing city streets
Are like arrows pointing east to you.
And now every night a car comes for me while I sleep -
It drives me from the ocean to the passageways downtown
But I think they closed the bridge.
Because in my dream I wasnít looking for anyone
I was just running from the deafening heat.
And after all these years
Iíve erased these blues
But I still remember you.

This is just awesome. I love the story and your use of imagery is fantastic, Matt! As I read I felt like I was there, walking under the Cypress trees at night, sitting in the diner, having a drink in a highrise lounge while a guy played the piano. Very, very cool. Cool

I also really liked the last two lines, how you talk about overcoming the pain but never forgetting the past. That was just pefect.

And these two lines were so lovely and sweet, without being the least bit sappy or corny - well done!

Iíd carry you in my pocket everywhere I went
Down the coast and across the sea
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 4:19 pm

@scarsrsouvenirs - I can't get either of those links to work. If it's not too much trouble, can you try to post another link? I'm looking forward to hearing The Fall! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 6:21 pm

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

First of all, thanks for being brave enough to share your lyrics with us, Sarah! I know how personal writing is and it can be very hard to expose yourself like this, so I applaud you (and everyone else who has posted) for having the guts to put your work out there.

Okay, onto the song. Um...I loved it! I really felt this song, the emotion, the pain, the story, all of it. I feel like this is one of those songs that everyone can relate to in their own way, making it extremely personal and global at the same time. It takes real talent to accomplish something like that. This was my favorite part. It gave me a serious case of the chills:

You never promised me anything
But you meant the world, and gave me your attention
But I scurried away
At the very first sign of affection

I got everything I wanted
Free to be alone again

Thanks a ton, Shannon!
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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Join date : 2011-09-16
Age : 34
Location : Spokane Valley, WA

PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Fri Mar 02, 2012 6:23 pm

stepsandnumbers wrote:
IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:

First of all, thanks for being brave enough to share your lyrics with us, Sarah! I know how personal writing is and it can be very hard to expose yourself like this, so I applaud you (and everyone else who has posted) for having the guts to put your work out there.

Okay, onto the song. Um...I loved it! I really felt this song, the emotion, the pain, the story, all of it. I feel like this is one of those songs that everyone can relate to in their own way, making it extremely personal and global at the same time. It takes real talent to accomplish something like that. This was my favorite part. It gave me a serious case of the chills:

You never promised me anything
But you meant the world, and gave me your attention
But I scurried away
At the very first sign of affection

I got everything I wanted
Free to be alone again

Thanks a ton, Shannon!

Any time! Hug
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