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 Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]

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The Poet Jonah
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:18 am

Okay next guys, I wanna see some short poems!
like I wrote 3 really short poems:

poem 1:
We love the kid
Whose troubled head
Brought us peace at night-
Starring down the barrel
He decides he doesnít like us anymore.


poem 2:
I take these pills
That put me to sleep
In hopes
They never
Wear off.

poem 3:
A crying mother asked
If I could play a sad song
On the piano for her,
I played a song about her son
Who never came home
And almost fell asleep
Before I could finish it.
She loved it.
Crying, she asked
If I could come home with her.
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The Poet Jonah
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:19 am

DeathoftheCool wrote:
& my name's Matt. Hi Shannon!

Hi, Matt. Names Cody
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DeathoftheCool
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:21 am

Whats up Cody! Ahhh I've never written short poems, but i should try. Those three you posted are REALLY good. Like Hemingway, saying more with less. Damn good
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DeathoftheCool
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:22 am

REALLY good. lol. seriously those are awesome
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The Poet Jonah
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:25 am

DeathoftheCool wrote:
Whats up Cody! Ahhh I've never written short poems, but i should try. Those three you posted are REALLY good. Like Hemingway, saying more with less. Damn good

please try, with your attitude towards detail I'd LOVE to see a short poem
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:26 am

DeathoftheCool wrote:
thanks so much guys. it was inspired by a crush i had on this girl i went to europe with for a school trip with a bunch of other people. stretched out the thing for like 6 months and found out she wasnt into me. real dumb, but i guess it affected me a lot; took those feelings and transposed it from her point of view if she moved to new york when she was older. i was definitely a little too bitter when i wrote it, but it makes for good art. goddamned europe

Hi Matt!

I think this is a classic example of pain producing something beautiful, like the poem Cody posted. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but you created an incredible poem out of the experience, so all was not wasted. And I think bitterness works for you if you are able to write like that! Good job channeling your feelings into your writing. Wow...
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:32 am

The Poet Jonah wrote:
Okay next guys, I wanna see some short poems!
like I wrote 3 really short poems:

poem 1:
We love the kid
Whose troubled head
Brought us peace at night-
Starring down the barrel
He decides he doesnít like us anymore.


poem 2:
I take these pills
That put me to sleep
In hopes
They never
Wear off.

poem 3:
A crying mother asked
If I could play a sad song
On the piano for her,
I played a song about her son
Who never came home
And almost fell asleep
Before I could finish it.
She loved it.
Crying, she asked
If I could come home with her.

I need a tissue because you made me cry! Words are such powerful things, aren't they? So few of them are typed on this page, yet they hold a world of emotion. These are all really, really, REALLY great! Poem one just about killed me, Cody. I know I'm not a parent, but I also know what it's like to love a child so much that you will do anything for them, you will die for them, and the thought that something could happen to that child...is just too much to bear. And you captured that in 23 words. I am blown away. Just blown away...
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:35 am

I'll have to look through my notebooks and see if I can find any short poems worth posting, and if not, I will write one! Very Happy But it will have to wait until tomorrow because I need to be up for work in five hours. I don't know how I'm going to sleep now though with all of these amazing words, phrases, and stories drifting through my head! I feel so inspired right now!
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DeathoftheCool
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:38 am

Goodnight Shannon! Yeah, tomorrow I'll post another poem or two, and try my hand at some short ones if I can find the time
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The Poet Jonah
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:39 am

DeathoftheCool wrote:
Goodnight Shannon! Yeah, tomorrow I'll post another poem or two, and try my hand at some short ones if I can find the time

can't wait!
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 1:47 am

DeathoftheCool wrote:
Goodnight Shannon! Yeah, tomorrow I'll post another poem or two, and try my hand at some short ones if I can find the time

Same here! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:10 am

well, i am definitely not a writer, so who am i to say, but i love reading what you all have written, and i love that you are brave enough to post it here! kudos, everyone.
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 7:32 am

DeathoftheCool wrote:
Warhol on the walls, music in the ceiling -
West 23rd bound up in city stars.
There are kids in windows, singing on fire escapes,
But Jane just leans against the Chelsea walls in an ocean of smoke.
Around her feet lay the ashes of the boys sheís spurned,
The powder piles higher with every heart she serenades.
Thought I passed her on the street a couple days ago,
Or maybe I just saw her ghost lurking in the subway tunnels.
She spends her days on the street
And spends her nights at the Chelsea,
Straight from one of those old songs about the girls who lose it all.
Sheís lost in limestone and yellow cabs,
And now the radio canít even resurrect her thoughts of home.
I hear organ swells with the sound of her voice,
But all she hears is the rush of the pipes
And the footsteps in the halls.
Jane rides the train past stacks of windows and iron beams,
And with the constellations of city lights blending together,
Sheís overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of memory.
Erasing hazy visions of the courtyards, glass pyramids,
Rain-soaked hills and side streets she loved long ago,
She rides through Manhattanís glass canyons until the final images are erased.
And on the West 23rd,
Wrought iron balconies squeeze the bricks and the infrastructure.
They bear down on her lungs, squeezing,
Asphyxiating, and choking until thereís nothing left -
Nothing but the cracks in the sidewalk, the frozen Christmas trees,
And the cascading stone bridges that wouldíve gotten her out.
And even though weíre both still breathing,
There is nothing we can do for each other now.

This could totally be a Tom Waits song. In other words, I love it.
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 7:41 am

Seriously everybody, great stuff. Loving this thread. I may have to sift through a few notebooks and throw something up!
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theBasemen
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 9:49 am

I'm Steve and here's a song of mine called Even Eagles Abandon Their Nests:

Born and raised by a fisherman in the haven,
Learned to cope with creatures as seagulls and ravens,
The ravens fed by death, the seagulls made you starve
The risk of danger and competition made you to leave this wharf

Got out, nothing left,
But leaving the nest

Flew away that morning, left behind the sights
Of dockworkers and sailors whoíd return to their wives,
It spreads itís wings and embraces the stream,
And flies into the red morning sun and follows itís dream
_________________

This one's called Breath Hijack:

Cold fever, losen my mind and wake me up,
'Cause this head of mine is so damn stuck
Lately I've been thinking, well what's wrong,
Now you say the thinking is the problem,
"Simplify, unify and don't be a part,
Of that's what's inside of your little heart"
You laid your hand, on the beating place,
You ran away, while I had to face,

A breath hijack,
My sight went black,
I'm losing track,
I want it back

Cold turkey, break my glass into rubys,
Doors in front of me, but I lost the keys
I hear a voice and I think you're here,
A hand rests on my shoulder, I shiver
It can't be anyone else, it just can't,
You ask me: "Why are you thinking again?"
You tell me you understand, what a relief,
Then you walk away, like a lovely thief

Iíve said a lot but I havenít told you a thing,
And all my serious acts are just a way of kidding
Pain, doubts,
shame, shouts,
Fights, tears,
Bring light, trough the years,

I inhale a zip of freedom,
I inhale a zip of you,
It opens my lungs
Just like you wanted to,
Iím so glad itís back,
After this Breath Hijack
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:28 am

I have a few lines that have yet to make a song, I might throw those up to ask if it is worth trying to find a home for those.


Okay, one of those line things


I walk these floors Wondering where I went wrong
Where I left the road I was on, Or How I got so lost
But now I feel the summer coming on, The Hot dry air blowin back your hair
0hh As we drive down, route number 88

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go

We would spend all our nights dancing or at home
We would never let go, of our dreams or each other
Never let go, of all we grew up with

Same with all the fears that still haunt us,
Or all the dreams that have become dust
We would always be scared that this would come and yes it has
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:44 am

theBasemen wrote:
I'm Steve and here's a song of mine called Even Eagles Abandon Their Nests:

Born and raised by a fisherman in the haven,
Learned to cope with creatures as seagulls and ravens,
The ravens fed by death, the seagulls made you starve
The risk of danger and competition made you to leave this wharf

Got out, nothing left,
But leaving the nest

Flew away that morning, left behind the sights
Of dockworkers and sailors whoíd return to their wives,
It spreads itís wings and embraces the stream,
And flies into the red morning sun and follows itís dream
_________________

This one's called Breath Hijack:

Cold fever, losen my mind and wake me up,
'Cause this head of mine is so damn stuck
Lately I've been thinking, well what's wrong,
Now you say the thinking is the problem,
"Simplify, unify and don't be a part,
Of that's what's inside of your little heart"
You laid your hand, on the beating place,
You ran away, while I had to face,

A breath hijack,
My sight went black,
I'm losing track,
I want it back

Cold turkey, break my glass into rubys,
Doors in front of me, but I lost the keys
I hear a voice and I think you're here,
A hand rests on my shoulder, I shiver
It can't be anyone else, it just can't,
You ask me: "Why are you thinking again?"
You tell me you understand, what a relief,
Then you walk away, like a lovely thief

Iíve said a lot but I havenít told you a thing,
And all my serious acts are just a way of kidding
Pain, doubts,
shame, shouts,
Fights, tears,
Bring light, trough the years,

I inhale a zip of freedom,
I inhale a zip of you,
It opens my lungs
Just like you wanted to,
Iím so glad itís back,
After this Breath Hijack

Wow, those songs are both fantastic! What genre of music do you play? I kind of got a folky, acoustic vibe from reading the lyrics of the first one. These lines were my favorite because of the great imagery:

Flew away that morning, left behind the sights
Of dockworkers and sailors whoíd return to their wives


Breath Hijack was incredible. Seriously incredible. There were parts of it that reminded me of The Horrible Crowes, which I'm sure you understand is a huge compliment! Just the title alone made me think of I Witnessed a Crime, where Brain sings All I could do was try to breathe. The words are so simple and unassuming, but man are they powerful. And I thought of Last Rites during this part:

You tell me you understand, what a relief,
Then you walk away, like a lovely thief


So good! The last two stanzas are my favorites though. I am just so amazed at all of the talent around here. Thanks so much for sharing these songs, Steve! Very Happy
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IrishNameAndAnInjury
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 11:58 am

JimmyB wrote:
I have a few lines that have yet to make a song, I might throw those up to ask if it is worth trying to find a home for those.


Okay, one of those line things


I walk these floors Wondering where I went wrong
Where I left the road I was on, Or How I got so lost
But now I feel the summer coming on, The Hot dry air blowin back your hair
0hh As we drive down, route number 88

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go

We would spend all our nights dancing or at home
We would never let go, of our dreams or each other
Never let go, of all we grew up with

Same with all the fears that still haunt us,
Or all the dreams that have become dust
We would always be scared that this would come and yes it has

Jimmy, this is really good! I don't know if this is what you intended or not, but it has a great classic rock vibe that reminded me so much of Bob Seger. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I see glimpses of Against the Wind and a couple others in your lyrics. And I love this stanza:

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go


Was that a little nod to High Lonesome?

I'm so glad you shared this. Once again, I am in awe of the talent around here. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:00 pm

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:
JimmyB wrote:
I have a few lines that have yet to make a song, I might throw those up to ask if it is worth trying to find a home for those.


Okay, one of those line things


I walk these floors Wondering where I went wrong
Where I left the road I was on, Or How I got so lost
But now I feel the summer coming on, The Hot dry air blowin back your hair
0hh As we drive down, route number 88

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go

We would spend all our nights dancing or at home
We would never let go, of our dreams or each other
Never let go, of all we grew up with

Same with all the fears that still haunt us,
Or all the dreams that have become dust
We would always be scared that this would come and yes it has

Jimmy, this is really good! I don't know if this is what you intended or not, but it has a great classic rock vibe that reminded me so much of Bob Seger. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I see glimpses of Against the Wind and a couple others in your lyrics. And I love this stanza:

We sing with the radio, All those old Springsteen songs
or even the old Outlaw country bands, Of hank, willie and John
We could drive all night just never let let go


Was that a little nod to High Lonesome?

I'm so glad you shared this. Once again, I am in awe of the talent around here. Very Happy
It was either High Lonesome or Blue jeans and white tee shirts. I was trying to get the Classic Rock feel...or a bit of a Gaslight Feel.

Oh, I found another lyric I wrote

How about tonight
what about you and me
how about tonight
Honey I can set you free
From all the demons and the pain
How about tonight?
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:14 pm

JimmyB wrote:
It was either High Lonesome or Blue jeans and white tee shirts. I was trying to get the Classic Rock feel...or a bit of a Gaslight Feel.

Oh, I found another lyric I wrote

How about tonight
what about you and me
how about tonight
Honey I can set you free
From all the demons and the pain
How about tonight?

I think of Gaslight as being half classic rock, one quarter punk, and one quarter alternative, so if you achieve anything close to a Gaslight sound, I think you get that classic rock feel too. Oh man, I'm loving this whole thread so much!

The lyrics you just posted are a great start to a song! This is just a thought and you can totally dismiss it if you want, but what do you think about following it up with a verse about the girl setting you free as well. That way it would be a two-sided story, kind of like the past, present, and future coming full circle. Does that even make any sense? I'm suggesting this based on what I know about you, and I think you could use your past experiences and make a really beautiful, meaningful song. I'm really digging what you posted and I want to see where it goes! Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 12:54 pm

As requested by Cody, here is a short poem I wrote recently.

A cannonball on fire
In search of a quiet night
Of peace eternal, redemption
Darkness turned to light

You offered everything
With total understanding
I tossed you a shrug
Consumed by thoughts of running

A regret for the lonely
My fault entirely
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 2:54 pm

IrishNameAndAnInjury wrote:


Breath Hijack was incredible. Seriously incredible. There were parts of it that reminded me of The Horrible Crowes, which I'm sure you understand is a huge compliment! Just the title alone made me think of I Witnessed a Crime, where Brain sings All I could do was try to breathe. The words are so simple and unassuming, but man are they powerful. And I thought of Last Rites during this part:

You tell me you understand, what a relief,
Then you walk away, like a lovely thief


So good! The last two stanzas are my favorites though. I am just so amazed at all of the talent around here. Thanks so much for sharing these songs, Steve! Very Happy

Thanks a lot man! What a nice compliment, though the music might not live up to your expectations... It's early 70's rock. If you want to keep your own versions of the songs in your head, don't you dare to click on the next two links:
Even Eagles Abandon Their Nests: http://soundcloud.com/the-naked-sweat-drips/even-eagles-abandon-their
Breath Hijack: http://soundcloud.com/the-naked-sweat-drips/breath-hijack

The music isn't Gaslight-related at all, the lyrics are, beside the symplicity of Fallon and Springsteen my other main inspirators are Dylan Thomas and Jim Morrison.

This one's called The Saviour of My Soul:

You keep me warm,
With your swirling arms,
In the basement of fear,
Midnight light upon my tears

Excuses given for all of this,
There's just one reason: there ain't bliss
You see me and behold it all,
'Cause you are the Saviour of My Soul

Flies of dust are flying around,
Over memory boxes of this town,
Pictures of home are long-gone still,
I see my father standing on the top of the hill

He taught me to get some cover,
Taught me to be a lover,
Taught me to be in control,
But now I need you, the Saviour of My Soul

The streets Iíve walked,
Have changed in the dark,
Maybe my memory faded,
I hoped you saved it,

Luckily you are holding on to me,
And make me realise who I want to be,
Carry me, care for me

You are the one I really need
Youíre my last call, to end the fall
You are the one I need after all
ĎCause you are the Saviour of My Soul
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:12 pm

Haha, if you give me links, I have to click on them! Plus, I LOVE early 70s rock! And of course the recordings were WAY better than what was in my head. I loved how Even Eagles Leave Their Nests started off slowly, almost hypnotic, and then built into an awesome rock song, then slowed down again. It kind of reminded me of something Zeppelin or the Doors would have sung. Well done! And Breath Hijack seemed very Doors inspired, which is so, so cool! That tune is going to be stuck in my head all day now. Very Happy

On to Saviour of My Soul. I'm listening to it right now and I love it! I feel like a broken record saying how wonderful everything is, but it's true! I can definitely feel The Doors in the music, but the lyrics do have a bit of a Gaslight vibe. I especially like these lines:

Flies of dust are flying around,
Over memory boxes of this town,
Pictures of home are long-gone still,
I see my father standing on the top of the hill

He taught me to get some cover,
Taught me to be a lover,
Taught me to be in control,
But now I need you, the Saviour of My Soul
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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:18 pm

If you like 'deep' lyrics you'd better not listen to Don't Follow Your Shadow... Just an ordinary 'it's safe in the pub, but dangerous outside when you are on your way home'-song.

Here it is:
Shadow come to your senses
That ainít air, those are fences
Shadow you gave me scratches,
Even angry girls canít match us

Shadow stand up straight,
I know weíre messed up but itís getting late
Shadow, what are these dances?
I donít think there are second chances

I wonít follow you shadow
I never followed you

Darkness live the days,
I might help you, just in case
Darkness please trust me,
It ainít cold when itís frosty

Darkness youíre not alone
Youíve slept at every home
Darkness just be bright,
Step into the light

Just donít follow your shadow
Youíd better not

Streetlight is it frightening?
To be beaten by lightning,
Streetlight just carry me home,
Youíve just got to know:

Just don't follow your shadow


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PostSubject: Re: Creative Writing [was: Poetry & Lyrics]   Thu Mar 01, 2012 3:34 pm

Deep lyrics are great and that's usually my go-to kind of song (Bob Dylan is my favorite), but sometimes a great rock song that you can just lose yourself in is exactly what a person needs. I really liked Don't Follow Your Shadow! Especially these lines:

Shadow you gave me scratches,
Even angry girls canít match us
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